Sex, What, When, Where, With Whom…

When I saw this article I just knew I had to have my say about it. The things that therapists will say sometimes, ya gotta wonder where they get their degrees, a crackerjack box? The article was limited, first of all, to heterosexuals, which leaves about one third of the population with nothing to do at all. And what about the bisexual people? You know those that just like sex so much they want it with both sexes all the time??? Second, it still separates foreplay and intercourse as though they were separate things, like we are going to do one without the other? I don’t know about you, but without the foreplay, it’s as good as rape. Half the fun of the end; climax, is in the getting there, not just getting off.

Anyway, the article I read from AlterNet.org was awesome! They said all the things I say when commenting on things like this. But CNN had the original story that I objected to. So, here is the original story from CNN:

Sex takes 3 to 13 minutes, study says

NEW YORK (AP) — Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn’t take long to satisfy a woman in bed.

It’s difficult for men of all ages to make sexual intercourse last much longer, a psychologist says.

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

art.stopwatch.gi.jpg

If that sounds like good news to you, don’t cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as “too short.”

Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who believe “more of something good is better, and if you really want to satisfy your partner, you should last forever.”

Read the rest of the article HERE:

Now, I know a lot of men would love it if women would just forget they like sex and lay there and take it. But there are a lot of men on the other side of the coin too, those that enjoy their partners enjoyment. How much fun is it to just jump on and off again? I mean really? The truth is we all like to experiment. So the article from AlterNet.org was ever so much better!

Sexual Intercourse: Let’s All Be Brief and Average

By Sue Katz, Consenting Adult. Posted April 16, 2008.

Why does the media stick to an outdated, offensive and boring definition of sex?

The Associated Press, under the headline “Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes,” has given the world a sneak-peek at the science of quickies. A study to be published next month in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, based on a survey of sex therapists, concluded that the “optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes.”

I scratched my head on that one, until I read that “the time does not include foreplay.” And then the bulb went on. Well, two bulbs went on. First, why are they using those tired, narrow definitions of “sex” and “foreplay” — as if they were separate activities? And second, what if “intercourse” isn’t in your sexual vocabulary, although you’re having fabulous erotic experiences? Or if your idea of intercourse involves neither a penis nor a vagina?

What’s sex?

This conflation of “sex” and “sexual intercourse” is as outdated an idea as the prohibition on wearing white shoes after Labor Day or the belief that birth control causes promiscuity. Let’s get real.

Penetration is one of many sexual activities. Others are oral sex, nipple pinching, butt squeezing, clit rubbing, ball tickling, breast binding, toe sucking and, did I say clit rubbing? The actions that constitute “sex” — undistinguished from “foreplay” — are as varied as the people who do them.

If a couple has kissed and touched and teased and stroked and sucked until both of them are totally satiated — but they haven’t screwed — is that not sex? If someone has a fetish — say they are wild about stockings — and they get off humping the silk-encased thigh of their partner — is that not sex?

What’s intercourse?

Intercourse isn’t right for everyone and isn’t required for reaching an ecstatic orgasm. Sometimes you want penetration and luckily there are a number of possible spots to penetrate with a number of body parts — from fingers to tongue to penis — and non-body parts — from dildos to ben-wa balls to fruit.

But the AP report on this study seems to be all about heterosexual penile/vaginal intercourse and even that is very limited and limiting. Not only do people feel varied levels of enthusiasm about such sexual intercourse at various times of their lives (or months), some people cannot perform that particular activity at all. There are plenty of reasons for this, including the thinning of the vaginal walls with age, medications that prevent strong erections, a personal safer sex guideline or simply no inclination for copulation.

Don’t gay and lesbian people have sex? Do their activities fit this definition of “sexual intercourse”? And the woman who drizzles lubricant in her cleavage and then presses her breasts together as her male lover pumps, is that intercourse? Does anal sex constitute intercourse? What about fisting?

The article’s general thrust is that you shouldn’t feel bad about having such short-lived sex, since it appears to be the norm. In fact, the piece includes a promise that this study will “ease the minds” of those worried about the stopwatch. In support of low expectations, Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist, is quoted as saying, “There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually. Most people’s sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are.”

Perhaps if the sex therapists encouraged the broadest exploration of pleasure, we wouldn’t have to resort to measuring such a narrow notion of sex. Separating “foreplay” from “sex” is as logical as separating tea from water. It’s in the mix that we find the thrill and satisfaction.

I couldn’t agree more with this viewpoint. It is like everything else that is being limited, now it seems that sex is on their target list too. Will it never end? Is there any hope that any area of life will be sacrosanct from the prying eyes, minds and legislative process of others? If sex therapists are still thinking in terms of intercourse and foreplay as two distinct and separate issues, how are they ever going to move on to real life issues and situations? Do they actually talk like that at home with their mates? Geeze, I can imagine those are stimulating conversations…

The same old thing all the time simply gets boring after a while. New and different things to do and experiment with are what keeps your sexual appetite growing and keeps you close to your partner. All too often we allow the everyday world to get in the way and our need for eachother gets left at the door. Along with the abuses done by either sex, women are as guilty as men in abusing their spouses/partner, boredom is the number one cause of divorce. People get bored with eachother and their lives. Not being able to change what they do for work, they can, at least, change the partner they have.

Let’s hope that the sexual therapists decide to join this century one of these days and get real on sex and sexual issues. After all, it is their job, right? And for those worried about lasting, there are topical treatments to use to enhance your staying power. You can do something about it if you want to. Just go to any adult toy and novelty shop, I’m sure someone there will be happy to show you where they keep it. ~ smiles ~

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, may it be very enjoyable for you!

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~ by justmytruth on April 20, 2008.

8 Responses to “Sex, What, When, Where, With Whom…”

  1. Hi Sue! I love your blog! You put things So great! Keep up the great work yourself! I’ll be back real soon to see what you are up to next!

    Waves!

  2. Hi! Thanks for all the kinds words about my posting. The best part is it led me here to discover your blog. Keep up the good work! And as I looked around, I found that cool tip about how to make the font bigger.
    Sue

  3. I so agree! Welcome and thanks for posting…

  4. A little variety can go a long way, and can produce some great results!

  5. I guess you missed the part where this is about your significant other??? Well, I’m not surprised with the email addy you have, someone should tell the president about that one, humm? Try to get a life verizon user in Reston VA. Other than that you might want to pay attention to the article and actually read it. ~smile~

  6. hop into bed with the wrong whore or john & you might as well
    take a loaded 6-shooter & pull the trigger…at least it would
    be much faster this way.

  7. I’m so glad you enjoyed it as much as I did. I just can’t believe they intend to publish that in a REAL medical journal! The things that pass for real medicine these days! Sheesh!

  8. OMG that was good!!! You’re right, they forgot all about at least 1/3 of the population. These people were sex therapists? Have they NO imaginations at all? What boring sex lives they must have………..LOL

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